Overcoming Grief

Ever felt like your life has hit rock bottom? I did. Getting expelled from college, failing exams, losing friends, losing lovers, sleeping in the street, attending funerals… all terrible events that will consume you if you let them.

I have developed my own coping mechanisms over the years. Without going into details for each case, I’d love to present to you my own system.

You can notice all the aforementioned events have one commonality: they are about loss. In other words, managing them on an emotional level is the same as managing grief. 

It is commonly assumed that grief has five phases, also known as the Kübler-Ross grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Depending on your emotional maturity, some phases might be longer or shorter. You don’t want to rush each step, but eventually, time heals all wounds.

I’m a problem-solver, so my ability to get over denial and anger basically comes down to understand where I went wrong or the underlying reasons. Once you grow out of yourself to really get a sense of the big picture, it becomes much easier to get over the anger. I’m a person that’s not afraid of facing reality—quite the contrary, I hate escapism in all its forms—so denial is usually overcome pretty fast. A lack of information, however, will make it incredibly hard to deal with.

I overcome the bargaining phase by journaling and talking with friends. There is no facing grief alone, you need to get help.

I then jump from depression to acceptance by relying on “buoy” habits. I basically focus entirely on myself. I eat, train, sleep, then repeat for a couple of days.

I take time to plan my diet, walk to buy groceries every day, and cook nice meals at home. I remove alcohol, fast food, and drugs from my life, or anything that could provide me with false comfort.

I train a lot, meaning, I read, write, program, and exercise a lot. I focus on my craft and my body, till exhaustion. I take long walks, perform several daily workout sessions, and work the rest of the time.

I take plenty of sleep. Full nights and short naps as soon as I feel tired.

The objective of the eat/train/sleep triad is to take back control, to get in charge to see past the past and up into a brighter future. There is no running away or sugarcoating reality, only chains to break and new exciting opportunities to tackle.

Once again, it’s not about overcoming grief as soon as possible, which would be unhealthy and autodestructive. It’s about making the pain a bit more bearable while you treat your wounds, it’s about hope. You’ll be fine.